THE FIRST TALE.

N the country of Almaine, in a certain village, there was on a time a

parson of a Church which preached

unto his parishioners, and thereby shewed them the joys of Heaven and the pains of Hell, and many other things. And as he thus preached in the Pulpit, among the people, there was a Miller which knew well that the Priest had a concubine, and spake so loud that everybody did hear him. What foolish Priest, said he, thou makest much babling in the Pulpit and all thy wit is not worth a straw for I have an asse that is far wiser than thou art, and thou makest here much ado of Heaven and Hell, and I may if I will

have both Heaven and Hell, at mine own house, winde and weather at my own will, and as it pleaseth me. Wherewith the Priest was greatly displeased, because he disturbed him in his sermon, and said he would complain thereof to the Bishop. Well, said the Miller, if thou dost complain I will abide by that which I have said. But as soon as the Priest had done his sermon, he went to the Bishop, and complained unto him of all that which the Miller had formerly spoken, whereupon the Bishop incontinently sent for the Miller, and when the miller came, the Bishop demanded if he could reasonably answer the complaint made against him by the Priest; Yea my Lord qd the Miller, that I can. Well, said the Bishop, thou saidst that thou mightest have thy choice both of Heaven and Hell at home in thine own house when it pleaseth thee; and moreover thou saidst, thou hadst both wind and weather at thine own pleasure. And also thou saidst, thou hast an Ass that is far wiser than the Parish Priest.

If thou canst prove thy saying true, thou shalt go quit without danger.

Indeed, qd the Miller, I said, that I had the choice of heaven and hell at mine own house if I would, and so I have, for I have a Mother of mine at home, that is so old she can neither go nor stand, and I trust as long as I keep her well and do her good, I shall by the grace of God, have heaven at will, and if I do not that I deserve perpetual damnation: and likewise I said, that I had both wind and weather at will, and that is true; for if it be the Lord's will that I have good wind and weather, it is my will also, and I am very well contented therewith; and if it be his will to send me otherwise, it is my will also, and I am pleased therewith; and whereas I said, that I had an ass that was wiser than our Priest, that is most true; for mine ass sometime when she stumbleth in a hole as she goeth she will beware that she come no more that way, but looketh well before her, and will take heed that she do fall no more

therein; but this Priest hath had a maid this seven years and more, which he lyeth withall, and falleth oft in her hole, and yet he cannot beware of it. And thus I hope I have sufficiently answered to this complaint.

Well (said the Bishop) thou hast answered, and wisely, and therefore go thy ways. And so he departed without any blame: but the Priest was deprived of his benefice and so another was set in his place, to his great rebuke and shame.

Another.

HERE was a fryer in London, which did use to go often to the house of an old woman, but ever when he came to her house, she hid all the meat she had. On a time this fryer came to her house (bringing certain company with him) and demanded of the wife if she had any meat. And she said, Nay. Well, quoth the fryer,

have you not a whetstone? Yea, (qd the woman) what will you do with it? Marry qd he I would make meat thereof. Then she brought a whetstone. He asked her likewise if she had not a frying-pan. Yea, said she, but what the divil will ye do therewith? Marry (said the fryer) you shall see by and by what I will do with it: and when he had the pan, he set it on the fire, and put the whetstone therein. Cocks body, said the woman, you will burn the pan. No, no, qd the fryer, if you will give me some eggs, it will not burn at all. But she would have had the pan from him, when that she saw it was in danger; yet he would not let her, but still urged her to fetch him some eggs, which she did. Tush said the fryer, here are not enow, go fetch ten or twelve. So the good wife was constrayned to fetch more for feare lest the pan should burn; and when he had them, he put them in the pan. Now, qd he, if you have no butter, the pan will burn and the eggs too. So the good wife being very loth