Another. HERE was an Essex man came to London, who had a pair of shooes full of nails, and as he went along Cheapside he passed by a merchants house where many young men were at the door, and among the rest one of them perceived that the man had nails in his shooes, whereupon he said to him, Thou churle, why comest thou hither with thy nailed shooes, and breakest the stones of our streets? indeed I will shew my Lord Mayor of it: when the Countryman heard him he put off his shooes, and carried them in his hand, and went in his hose till he came to Pauls: Whereat everybody laughed. And when he perceived that the people laughed at him, he put on his shooes again. Another. HERE was a priest in the country which had christned a child; and when he had christned it, he and the clark were bidden to the drinking that should be there, and thither they went with other people, and being there, the priest drunk and made so merry, that he was quite foxed and thought to go home before he laid him down to sleep; but having gone a little way, he grew so drousie, that he could go no further but laid him down by a ditch side, so that his feet did hang in the water, and lying on his back, the Moon shined in his face: thus he lay till the rest of the company came from drinking, who as they came home found the priest lying as aforesaid, and they thought to get him away but do what they could he would not rise, but said, Do not meddle with me, for I lie very well, and will not stir hence before morning, but I pray lay some more cloathes on my feet and blow out the candle, and let me lie and take my rest. Another. HERE was once a country-man, which came to London, where he had never been before, and as he went over London bridge, he saw certain ships sayling, being the first time he had seen any, and perceiving the sails made of cloth, he thought to assay if his plough would go so, and when he came home, he caused his wife to give him a large new sheet, and went and set it on the plow like a sail, thinking the plow would go with the wind, but it removed not, which when he saw, he said, What the devil, have I spoiled my sheet about nothing? So he set his horses to the plough again. Another. CERTAIN butcher was flaying a calf at night, and had stuck a lighted candle upon his head, because he would be the quicker about his business, and when he had done, he thought to take the same candle to light him to bed, but he had forgot where he had set it, and sought about the house for it, and all the while it stuck in his cap upon his head, and lighted him in seeking it. At the last one of his fellowes came and asked him what he sought for? Marry (quoth he) I look for the candle which I did flay the calf withal. Why thou fool qd he, thou hast a candle in thy cap and then he felt towards his cap and took away the candle burning, where at there was great laughing, and he mocked for his labour, as he was well worthy. Another. HERE was a man that had been drinking so hard that he could scarse stand upon his feet, yet at night he would go home, and as he went through a green meadow, neer a hedge side the bryers held him by the cloaths and the legs and he had thought that one had holden him, and would have had him to drink more, and he said, Goodfellow let me go, by my troth I can drink no more, I have drank so much already, that I cannot go home; And there he abode all the same night, and on the morrow went his ways. Another. T happened not long since, that upon Easter day, two young fellows that had been at the plow, all the days of their lives, came into the Church to hear mass, both said and sung, as then it was D |